The Story Of A Little Boy
Welcome. This is a diary of my trip to Moscow of the year 2000. It contains thoughts, my thoughts, on people, the people of both Russia and America, both specific and not. If you are not content or are offended by any of this material or with the way I think, then leave now. Otherwise, read, enjoy, and make conclusion about life.
26 - 27.7.00
I woke up at 12:30 and at 1 we were driving to the airport. I was hungry and sleepy but alas! I could not do anything about it. We stopped at Rubios and I had a burrito and a fish taco and some chips, but I wasn't hungry enough to eat them. Then the luggage, then at 5 I gave a hug to my dad and we boarded the plane; at 5:40 it left. I got a seat not next to the window, and this time I didn't get to talk to anyone. It was quite funny because the whole time on the plane I did not say a single Russian word, although everyone knew (maybe?) I spoke Russian. I don't know why I didn't, but it was fun watching those waitresses trying to understand me. I am so mean. :-) They gave us special headphones. Instead of one plug, they had two. (It's a Russian plane, so go figure.) We had music, too, which was unusual. Channel 1 was the Russian version of what was on the TV, 2-English. 3-Classical music, 4, 10, 11, and 12 were blank. 5 was weird, 6 was funky jazz, 7 was like Star 100.7 or Mix 95.7, 8 was even funkier Rock 'n' Roll, 9 was dance, o yeah! The most of all was number 9, but there was one bad part: it repeated after every 2 hours or so. So, I pretty much heard all the songs there, including "Gangster's Paradise." (Weird Al is much funnier.) There was one song on 7, which was the best song of the genre I've heard. It was like Robert Miles' music only much more free and peaceful and rhythmical... I loved it. (Aah yes.) And of course I listened to Robert Miles' 23 a.m. and all 4 Enigmas and Northern Star. My batteries in my CD player started to run low. Sometime in between we had a dinner, which was steak. Not too yummy and I finished it very quickly. Then we had a breakfast much later that was a... uh... something I can't name. There was ham and there were eggs, and it was good, reminding me of Denny's (ah the memories!) and "Green Eggs and Ham." Then, it was then when I listened to Northern Star. I like 1, 2, 4, 5, 8, 11, and 12. 4 and 8 are cool, 12 gives me the happy chills. Then we landed; people didn't clap this time, and got out. Then was the passport control where being a Russian citizen didn't do me any good. (The other line, where I was, was faster.) Behind me was a girl with braces who was probably Russian, whom I saw only twice. Why did I mention her? I don't know, she was just there, standing behind in line. Then I decided to wait for the luggage, then, since my bags weren't there, I filled out the declaration of all the things I had to declare, got my bag, and went outside. (No one checked the Declaration, again. Pity.) My grandma met me, while my grandpa was waiting for me somewhere where he could not see me, as usual. We got to the car and drove, paid 40 r. for the parking, and came home. It was different from the last time because there is my mom and my sister, and it's not as fun with them. :-) Then I got to walk, then came back with my sister, messed with my computer, damned disk did not work, so I lost some music. Luckily, I still have Unnamed, Yes! I was quite upset then. We had a dinner, yum, before which I went to the computer club and met Andrew (who was quite oblivious of me before be turned around; then he was very surprized and astounded). Then, not long after dinner, not having finished the dinner, at 9, I went to sleep, bitter at those who bugged me. (And there were such, saying, "Maybe you need a blanket?" and "Move to another room.")
Woke up at 7, yes, 7. Then tried to sleep, but could not: 10 hours were enough for me this time. At 8 I took a shower, aah! :-) Showers are cool. Then made myself, myself, a breakfast and went on the computer. Read the Emails... Internet here is slow, so I get to read them and disconnect (it costs by the minute), write a reply, and mail back much later. Read the Email... After that I started writing a reply, but the computer turned off, and I didn't get to save any of it! I was much upset at the darned thing! I even kicked it! Tried to write a reply, again, but I couldn't, it's never easy, so I didn't. Then called Andrew, and we went to get his passport! I was jumping over everything, just like I do every day. But hey, it's the shoes! My shoes are so soft... So jumpy... :-) At the gate I was asked (told rudely) to wait outside. Dammit! I got to think. I didn't do much thinking, but I came up with something substantial, a big difference between Russia and the US. Here, there are no masks people wear. People don't wear the "American" smile; they don't try to make things perfect. Things are what they really are, a shocking but obvious truth. People aren't as polite, because when they are, mostly they don't mean it. People find it rude and hateful to see the truth. (Remember my poem, "But tell me, can you comprehend the truth/And clench the essence of thy own life?") The truth is here. I feels kind of weird, for now, that people aren't expected to be nice to others. Then we went home (I congratulated him) and we got home. His home. We watched The Fifth Element. Although the quality wasn't that good, the movie was so cool. Ms. Jovovich (or what was her name?) was so pretty! She wasn't perfect, but I like her. The Matrix still is the best. I did 10 pull-ups, then we came home and I wrote, talked to him on the phone, wrote more, then went to the club. UT (Unreal Tournament) is such a pretty game! I love it, because of the setting and because of the music. He's such a good composer, Alexander Brandon! :-) Then we came home, to my home, and talked and listened to Enigma 4 and to Northern Star (thank you Ivee), and then he left and I am still writing. He's such a good friend! :-) And now I should go to sleep, it's only 12:30. Good night!
Weird day, weird indeed. Although it could've been worse. I changed my password and read things from LA and Ivee. Then Andrew came over, so we went to the club, played UT and CS, UT was funner. Then we went to his house and watched Mr. Nice guy, before that we had a dinner, and I thought. The difference... In America, you don't just come to a friend's house, and you aren't just given food. Here, people are people because they realize that they're all in this life and it's much better to enjoy each other than to stay alone and competitive. The goal in life is not to live the length of it but also the width of it. If you stay alone all the time, competing against others, how much love is there? We were given love not to ignore it; otherwise, we would not have it.
There, in US, everything seems to standard issue. I don't like that, I really don't. Here, everyone is real. There, everyone is who people want him/her to be. One thing I noticed here is love between parents and children. Children realize that parents love them, and parents do love them as opposed to set goal for their future, which is LESS important than today. Living in the future, we will miss our live. There is so much more to life than being successful. That's just my theory, 'cause I saw both worlds. Then, after the movie, we went out again, then to my house, where I talked to LA and to Ivee. Then we talked at his door, in English, about LA and Ivee and life... He is my best friend in Russia, for sure. :-) Then I came home and fell asleep.
Woke up at 10, ate a breakfast made of sausages, yummy, and coffee, I love coffee here because of milk, it's SO much better, 3,2%, then started writing. Then I stayed here, watched my gandpa (!) play on the computer and went to Baba Katya. She's old and has a daughter Galya. First the Trolley, then walk, then I'm there. Dinner: potatoes and sausages and cutlet. (Is there such a word in English?) Then got home just in time to talk to Ivee; read her Email, and soon fell asleep. Not an eventful day. When falling asleep, I felt really heavy weight put on me. I stood up and I felt like I can pass out, just out of nowhere. It's as if someone pressed my brain to stay asleep. One more thing: the pictures. This night, falling asleep, I closed my eyes and waited for pictures. Didn't even think about them: they just came. They were yellow metal/black colour, dim; shaped like circles and people and just snapshots of metallic statues of birds and people. It was weird, because I did feel as if I was downloaded snapshots. Funny, eh?
Now I decided to sketch thoughts in the Diary, making it a real diary as opposed to a scrapbook. And I sketched them, and now I am deleting them from this public edit. The real version not everyone will see. Two people will edit it, like the last year's.
("Listening to the music with your heart.")
And now it's breakfast time. Yummy breakfast! Then talked to Andrew (I managed to call him about 10 seconds after he got up from his bed; he asked, "Did Oleg call?" and then he heard the phone. :-))
Aah, then the day was uneventful. Played CS, I was actually pretty good, had about $12,000. Then we dined, went to Andrew's house and watched Speed. Too long bus scene, and I don't like the ending. Jovovich was prettier than what's-her-name, but I like Keanu Reeves. He's never a romantic type, though. :-P Yes, I'm a guy, but I am unbiased, that which many people want and few have. Then we went out, got a cola, then went around. Then the club, where UT was fun; then Olya and Tolik and Slavik, we played 33 (basketball game) w/them; then got home.
Wake up dizzy with a dream. First, we are going to some place, listen to Eminem's music; too narrow so we fall, I drag up the bike and we continue to go. Then we are at some place, I eat soup and meet Henrik, then we have a funky lobster menu. Before I remember piles of sand where I wanted to jump. Also, there was some place that was like UT, but I don't recall it.
Then, after dizziness, played CS for 2 hours, came home, checked Email, could not connect, edited Unnamed, learned about the beta testing, damn I can't go! Then got out, went to ZAGS, came back and ate ice cream, then watched people play in the club, came home and read e-mail, went to the club and back, sat outside and now I am writing.
Ice Cream here and Radio here is so much better. And there is no feeling of loneliness there is in the US. It's more fun that way. Dizziness maybe was because of magnetic field that was today, my grandpa said. Went to sleep. Ate.
Woke up at 12; ate a breakfast then went shopping. Kind of funny, because I didn't know the type of milk I was supposed to buy, so I asked but they didn't have it; then I had to buy something and I forgot what it was called so I said, "This." It was kind of amusing. Then the club, where Half Life is not that bad, actually. The Crossbow explodes, and the revolver zooms in. Weird game. :-) Then we watched Twin Dragon, a very funny movie, and then ate. No Emails! :-( Went out again, played 33, then went home. I fell and scraped my self. Maybe another scar? Angry: don't want a scar and don't have any Email!
Well I couldn't sleep too well because my side hurt because of the wound... My elbow is alright, I'll live. It's better now only it hurts a little to have goosebumps. Checked my Email! :-) Whee! I must add $10 to the account, because I don't want to run out. And I have the money. :-) Then we went to the club and then to Andrew's house and then watched See no Evil hear No evil. A dumb movie, only sometimes funny. Yesterday's was better. Dined and home and for the first time in my life got 22 kittens in Cat. Here's how it works: Level 1, map: kitten, kittens: 0; Level 2, map: House Cat, kittens: 4; Level 3, map: Tomcat, kittens: 8; Level 4, map: Alley Cat, kittens: 12; Level 5, map: Tomcat, kittens: 18; Level 6: map: Alley Cat, kittens: 22; Level 7 (where I reached the first time and died), map: Tomcat, kittens: ??? By the way, it's now impossible to get into the window by aiming. They go incredibly fast. Only if you get a 186 or something... :-) Then went w/Andrew who had to buy bread; came home and the club, played 1 hr., then went walking alone. That didn't do me much good just fresh air. Met my mom and sister and ran back, panting. Then went to the club but didn't play (aren't you proud of me?), cleaned the mice and went to Andrew's house. Beat him in checkers but lost in chess after a long game. It was quite funny! :-) Then came home and ate about 4 sandwiches and now I am writing this.
This is boring. The only things we do are the club and TV... I don't want to goto the club as often any more. So what, they have UT. If only I could get all the music but alas! I find myself not looking into people's eyes, for some reason. That's odd. Tomorrow-Voronezh!
Woke up at 12; it was a busy day. I read all the Email, had a breakfast and then went to the club. HL was cool! Then-Ice Cream! I got to pack my clothes and go shopping. Not by my will, but it wasn't bad. I went with Andrew, so it was fun. (The supermarkets were cool, because there were like in the US: people are friendly. Not too many people here are friendly, but those who are, aren't faking it.) Wrote a letter to Ivee and then we left. I, again, upset everyone. I'm good at this by now. Got to the train, said all the good-byes, and departed. On the train they gave us neat stuff just like on the plane: bread, yummies, butter and cookies, a knife and a spoon. Read a passage from a horoscope book. The only thing I remember is that Leos survive well. Then ate and then sat and thought about life and Chloe. Forgot to add that I planned lots of Unnamed! Whee! :-) I will KISS Chloe! :-*
Funny day, it was. I woke up at about 6:30, and since then I've only slept once. Well, I was tired, tired as heck on the train, because I fell asleep at 12, and 6 hours of sleep are not enough. Then I got to take a bath in cold water, very refreshing! Soap: I forgot to take the soap last night and I left it there; it was here this morning. Very convenient! :-) The woman behind me lost her spot because she was slow. O well, sucks for her. Then was the very, um... unique breakfast. Three sandwiches and that's about it. O, yes, a cup of coffee and a cup of tea and water, and I still was sleepy! Jeez! Then we were met by Aunt Tanya, Uncle Sergey, Uncle Sasha, Grisha, Aunt Lyuba, and Igor. Lots of people... I only got to carry my backpack, but it's the most valuable of all: it's got Enigma and Robert Miles and... *drum roll* Northern Star. Here it's becoming very popular... A word about it: I like it more and more every time I listen to it. My favourites still are 4, 8, and 12. (12 gives me the happy chills still! Thank you, Ivee! :-)) Then I was riding the Trolley and I arrived home. Nothing too exciting. Met my Grandma. :-) There's a computer here with a few things that I need, such as the monitor and the keyboard :-) and Undelete.exe and KeyRus.com. They're for Moscow. Other than those, I doubt I will need anything else. It's a slow 133MHz 486 comp w/8MB RAM. Kind of old: both hard drives hold less than 1 gig. :-P After that we listened to music (we: my self and Igor), Northern Star (thank you again, Ivee!) and Enigma. Then we ate, then more music, then came Olya (it's a VERY popular name). She's my cousin, born in morning of the 6th of May, 1987. (Good memory.) She was very eager to play chess with everyone and kept losing. (I lost in chess again, not to her, but I never learned how to play. I never knew. I only played about 8 times in my life!) But I kept beating her in checkers. She's cute! (Don't get any ideas: she is related to me.) She is ticklish! :-) Then I played Warcraft, no fun, I beat it long time ago. She left, aww... She is cute. :-) Then I went to sleep and slept for about an hour, because I was so tired! Now I am still tired but not as tired. (Note about Aunt Tanya: she worries too much about other people at the table, so excessively that it becomes cumbersome for us.) Life here is sad! Everyone is poor! (One of the poorest areas in Russia.) Then got to chat a word with Uncle Sergey... So then he left and I got to use the computer. Now here is Aunt Tanya who asked me about LeeAnne. And soon I will get to goto sleep. Then everyone was trying to translate my poems. I wouldn't do it; my mom couldn't. So I helped; it was quite fun and they were quite impressed with my philosophical mind. He he he. Thank you, Ivee, for Incoherent Transmutations and thank you, LeeAnne, for The Divine Strife. :-)
Aah, quite an outstanding day! I woke up at 6, then again at 9. I got up then because I must talk, and so I did. (Gosh this monitor is blinking at about 70 Hz. Need more!) Then I took a shower and washed my hair and talked to Uncle Sergey. He was impressed about my meditation («You have potential»). Then he told me about our four enemies (Anna, he's knows there are lots of aliens, but they are not one of the enemies.) The first is fear. At first it protects but then it limits. Once we overcome it (he is not afraid of death either), we will be able to tell some parts of the future. Then that'll limit us too, and we need to overcome it. When we do, we will be able to see the world as it is, and we will have lots of power to make things happen, like did Lenin and Hitler. But we must not be engulfed by it. Then we will be even more (?) powerful, but then our final enemy is... (I was kind of surprised.) Our old age. We can't overcome it (duh! :-)) but we can resist it. Then he talked more about energy... So then we had a breakfast and then we went to dacha. (Remember it?) There we went inside and then to the river (I had a headache by then), I didn't swim but we had kabobs. Yum! There I was walking and it was really cool because I felt surreal. I felt like meditating again. :-) Then we went home and my headache worsened. Because of that Uncle Sergey gave me a neck massage. He burned (?) my skin, but it made my neck warm for the next couple of hours. Then he twisted my neck and my spinal chords cracked. (Like he said, I won't let anyone do that to me who doesn't know what he or she is doing.) Then I felt heavy on the back. The headache didn't go away. :-( Then we went to Aunt Lyuda, where was Olya (another one :-)) and Sveta, my cousins. Sveta has a daughter Marina who is cute. Lena played with her much of the time. There I had milk, the real milk. (Doesn't get more real than unedited, er... unmodified cow milk. Yes, it was a bit fatty but it tasted great!) And ice cream-cremé brulet (spelling?). And coffee. :-) Then we left, but here's something cool. As we were walking I heard Smell Of Desire. I said «Disk 4, song 4, Smell Of Desire. Enigma.» They were impressed. It was, I think, the prettiest place in Voronezh so far. A fountain lit by lights. There was the central with yellow and orange and blue and green, and there were four on the sides with red and green lightings. In the background there was an old church. The central fountain changed pressure, so it was taller/shorter. Then was Desert Rose and then I don't know, then something else and then Pretty Fly (For A White Guy). Then I wanted to go to the bathroom and it was closed. (The rest is up to you.) Got home, but the fountain with music was amazing! :-P And now I am home, listening to Melanie C. My head still hurts, and so does my neck. By the way, much of today I felt surreal. Really cool. I feel that I have much energy today. Man, am I displaced! I also noticed that I had so many deja vus! So many places and faces (rhyme!) remind me of something else! Yesterday, again, I saw those metal-coloured pictures! Cool! I don't think I have anything else to say right now.
Funny dream about computer speakers. Didn't get much else, but it was weird, just like my every other dream. Then I got up and ate a breakfast and then we went to the park after watching some MTV. (I finally got to see Melanie C's clip «You're going down.» It was quite... Something.) In the park I had a stroll and played with the squishy glow-in-the-dark ball. With Igor. Then we went into the sewers and traveled a distance of a few hundred yards in there. It was also quite something. The surround sound was amazing! :-) Then I got my feet dirty and we got out and got back; got some ice cream and then some milk and Pepsi and bread and yummy things. Milk here is so good! :-) I figured something out. In the US, if there is a problem, people will figure out a short-term solution, and then the government will fix it. (That's where the taxes go. It's all in taxes, people!) Here, people will figure out a short-term solution, but the government won't do anything about it, OR the government will figure out a short-term solution. That's a part of the problem. :-) Then we played checkers and more checkers and MTV, and then I got to use the computer and write all this. Now I am called to go and take a picture. Olya is here and so is Vitya and Katya. People are fun. Aah, they are all bugging me so I will go. Now I am back, much later. We all talked and then it was time to go to the train. One the way there I kept telling everyone to chill. Then my mom left... And my sister... But it's okay. :-) The way back I talked to Olya (who's 13), Olya (who's 19), Sveta, and Igor (who's 14). Sveta and Olya (22 and 20) are still reticent. They don't talk much, not at all. I was walking backwards and staring into Olya's eyes, but she is shy/reticent. It was funny. I jumped, too. :-) And talked to Olya. There's a new wave of feelings that I discovered today: kinship. That's a generalization, I know. I can and want to be and am (a strong word :-)) with Olya, and another Olya, and Sveta. Especially Olya: when I look at her, in her eyes I see me. It's a new and hopeful feeling. Here, I am among my people. I look at Sveta and Olya and again I see me. Although cousins, they are related to me through my grandma! That's why I want to stay with them. Had I had more time, I would teach her lots of things, because I want to because she is related to me! It's so cool! I am a touching person, after all, but now with everyone. Some people I just don't want to touch me, others-I don't mind; third-I touch them, like Olya. She's my cousin. Can't say that I love her (because I don't know her that well), but... You know what I mean. :-) (I DO love my sister. :-)) Then we parted until tomorrow and went home. I bought a bottle of Coke (Pepsi is better! :-)) and got home, then made Aunt Tanya and grandma drink it and eat ice cream. He he, they liked it. At certain moments I feel like Flipper in one episode I saw long ago: he saved the people who were sinking and not the ones who weren't. (I mean my relatives.) My grandma: if I want to do something, she can't make me not do it. And I mean something like washing the dishes or something of that sort. I don't know how to explain it yet... I'm weird, I know. (When I was walking with Olya, she said, «Computers make your eyes worse and...» I said, «Make you crazy. I know, I've already gone insane.» :-)) I had LOTS of Deja Vus today, and I don't know why. Certain things I see I just remember it happened before. They aren't the real deja vus, where it's the emotion, but they aren't flashbacks either, because flashbacks are situations that happened before and these are just images, lots of images. Weird? Yes. :-) (Aah, green eyes, Olya has the same colour eyes, that's a part of why I see my self in her. Not wholly, but some parts for sure. Lots of people here have pretty eyes.) And now I am home listening to MODs on the CD that I brought... They're cool! :-) Soon I will have to goto sleep. I don't know if I forgot to mention something, 'cause I feel like I have. Maybe. Right here lies a book on Turbo Pascal 6.0, and lemme tell ye, C++ is easier to understand. :-) C++ is easier. I just read a chapter on pointers, and it's very... Yucky. Here, to make a pointer, you must say var i: ^integer; in C and C++ all you do is say int* i;. Much better, isn't it? And the keywords, and the functions... It's more like C with calloc and malloc functions, as opposed to C++'s new and delete keywords. Learn C and C++, people! :-) (But here are linked lists... Phew!) Nothing more for today!
By now you're thinking, when does he have the time to write so much in one day!? :-D I do: I prioritize. It's funny when my parents tell me to do the important things first and then "play" on the computer. I always do the important things first. If there is an essay, I start a few days before it's due and finish the night before it's due. Those days I don't talk on the computer; others--people are more important than a piece of paper worth 5 or 10 point. :-) They don't know it. :-) So today I woke up at 10 and took a shower and went out for milk and breakfasted and a busy day lay ahead. Actually, quite a day. We went to the summer-house, again. I was for some reason very tired, and also it was very hot, so when I reached the place I said, "I need to rest." And I rested: I lay on my back and stomach. I have this cool "gift": I rejuvenate very quickly. After those few minutes I was half-recharged. Then we went to the secret place we visit every year. Remember I mentioned it last summer? :-) It's the same place. First I washed in the river and got my shorts very wet and nice and cool (it was very hot and dry, by the way-not too pleasant), then we walked (I walked and he, Igor, biked there). Then explored the area and then I lay back and thought... I just lay on my back and stared into the blue cloudy sky with no disrupting thoughts in my head... You would love it! I also jumped: it's about 8 feet down into the soft sand, so you won't damage anything. I closed my eyes and jumped-a great feeling! :-) Then we talked about people, more specifically people in our lives, girls approximately our age... And then 3 hours later we left. (I think my hearing heightened. Ironically, my speech recognition stayed the same.) Got back, drank, got to the bus stop and home, I took a shower, ate, packed my bags, then came Olya with her mom... She's cute. More of that new feeling of having a sister. (This may sound weird to some people. Sucks for them. :-)) It's a smiley (new word!) feeling to hold a hand of your cousin with no stereotypes attached to it by the crowd. She's my cousin! And I say it proudly, and proud is the word. I've not, I think, felt this much, but I was among my people and I was proud not of everyone but of two: her and Grisha. :-) I felt happy. Near the train came another Olya, the older (b-day: Aug. 18, 1980) one. She seldom smiles, but I did make her smile a few times. I had a wide grin much of the time waving goodbye to all of them. I like them. Now the adults... I constantly told the adults to CHILL! (You know what? I had an advantage: I didn't have my mom around to shush me.) I asked them, "When is the last time that you got to run around and have fun?" They were silent. I can't describe that feeling: I wanted them to understand us, but I knew that they never would. They've worked themselves their whole life and they forgot the joy of silliness and happiness. I bugged everyone, but not annoyingly; Olya bugged me, but not annoyingly. She asked me questions and told me things and wanted to speak English with me, not knowing much... On the outside one may think that I would be annoyed, but I wasn't. The adults (her parents) assumed that I would be. Actually, I was annoyed at adults the whole time because of their lack of understanding. They've been through what we are through, but they've rejected that when they were in their 20s, believing that we, too, will stop being us, the happy and careless teenagers who see the life on both sides of the fence (!): the pure innocent love and the formal coldness. (When coming back from the summer-house, I was driving, not riding, a bike. Aunt Tanya said, walk on the side where there's no chain. I asked, "Why?" She said, "Because it's easier for me and everyone else." That's a perfect example of a brainwashed adult: They want to assimilate us into them, failing to see their own faults, and they do it by making us fear being different. "Everyone does it like that; why don't you?" I don't know if it's only pertaining to Russia, a communist country, or to the whole world. The funny thing is that when anyone uses my being different as an urge for me to change, I laugh right back in their face, because of the quote from Unnamed: "Heck, I don't wanna be like them." I don't want to do things the way they do it because I have something they don't: I analyze them. I see what they do wrong and I don't do things their way. No, I am not saying that I am always right, because I don't as often look at my self, it's VERY tiring; but the things that I do my way I do because I don't like them.) Back to the train! *wink* In our coupe (that's the Russian name) there was Roma and Lena, a lady and my self. Funny people. It was HOT! That's why I wasn't inside much of the time: the air conditioning was soo slow. I ate yogurts and drank juice and that was all. Then the train stopped at around midnight and I went out and breathed some air. Then got back in and slept. :-) A good day.
A note. I don't know when I read The Divine Strife once again, but the more I read it, the more I understand it. As I read it, "The flaky stuff is fake" stood out. It has to do with people being fake. That is what the poem was about. The Devil (for he is the other speaker) says that everything that you see in people is fake. The person says that we need the real feelings that people have. It's so cool! I don't know how, but the poem becomes increasingly truthful and wonderful in my eyes.
Then I went to sleep.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY IVEE! :-) Woke up before 12, took a shower, then went shopping with Andrew, came back and into the club, played CS, then I came home and breakfasted/dined. Before I got to fix the colours in my calendar. Here is my dream I had. At first, I was at the beach with my parents. I was at a similar beach before in one of my dreams, I remember that. I was doing pushups with one hand, to show off. Not like me; the sand was dirty too. Then was the cool part. I don't know how, but I was at my school in Russia surrounded by people I don't know. They are supposedly my friends. There were two teams, and I was in one of them. The goal was to wash hands in the cold water on the kitchen of the school cafeteria. Don't ask me why, I have NO idea. :-) So I go into the kitchen and stand there, start talking and then stop. They ask me, and I say, I need to wash my hands somewhere. So they let me, they press a button and the faucet slid down so I can use it. I win a point! :-) Then was the coolest and the weirdest part. I was in the bathroom, and there were three other people. A bully and other two. I remember he was talking to the other two, then he took out a grenade and started playing with it. (The grenade is because of the bombings in Moscow two days ago.) He tossed it with great skill! Then he talked to me too, and somehow he decided to blow us up. He had to go to a date, and he was wearing two pairs of jeans, so he took off the top layer. I accepted it. They were overalls, very warm and soft. I put my hands in the pocket and found two paper clips, he took them. (So we wouldn't get out-he would lock us.) I felt that there was also a pocket-knife. But I didn't tell him. He got out, I knew he'd be back, he got back, the bomb was already places. I came close to the door to distract him, but at the door was a metal detector that detected the knife, and so the bomb started to beep, just like in CS. All four of us ran out. As we were running with a group of people, I put my hands in the pockets, about to throw away the knife so he wouldn't know. He turned around, and I dropped it, and among all the running and shouting we both heard it fall. (The knife was just like the knife of Roma, my roommate on the train.) I said, "It must've been your knife." (In English, with Australian accent on the word knife.) He grinned at me and said, "My knife?" (His hair was red and he was a heavy set.) I said, "Your knife." He said, "It's your knife!" We were by now running towards a window. He was somehow in a very small car. He said, with a smile, "I'm gonna kill you for this." He was dragging me into the window along with himself. I said, "I'm gonna kill YOU!" As he was falling out of the window, I grabbed the wall and remained in the air whilst he was flying down. As I walked away, I wanted to say, "Die, you bastard!" but didn't. Then the bomb exploded. I saw Andrew and yelled, "Over here!" We ran to the fourth floor (we were on the third) and by then I saw the fire destroying the building. We ran to the fifth floor and the fire was still there. I remember he said, "There are no smoke shafts in here." So I turned right and there was a window, we ran out and jumped down the stones to the ground, and then we were free! But I turned right and got into the car of the guy with the red hair, clenched him (his face was just like the face of a person in cartoons after a bomb blows up in his face-all covered in smoke), and drove in the car to the group of people. Then somehow I walked to a village and saw two unicycles with a steering rod and a seat. I took one of them (in real life it was probably my sister's stroller: they both lean against a building the same way) and rode it. It had three speeds! Then the guy showed me how to change them (the bicycle was a reference to the bike that Igor rode from the summer house in Voronezh), and then soon after seeing the Pinocchio-like brother of the red-haired guy (that was the weirdest thing! He was cloned, probably a reference to Lilu from The Fifth Element: she was generated from a few cells) I woke up. :-) It was so good to beat that guy! :-) Then the rest of the real life day was good: I wrote an Email, played in the club, then came over the guests. They were Ira and Volodya (married), very good friends of my family. I got unicular (not binoculars, but unucular) as a present, 8x magnification. We ate, then I worked on my calendar. Now, you tell it the year and it makes the calendar for that year. Neat, eh? I told them what day all of them were born and married, then with Ira's criticism made the months big and underlined. Then I finished it! :-) Then I went to the Internet and showed her a few of my pictures, and she was very impressed. :-) They are good people, I know it. I wanted to sit there and listen to what they would say and answer their questions, because I like them! She hugged me praising me for my works and kissed me on the cheek as she was leaving, but there was only love and that's how (meaning: that is the form in which) I accepted it. I like them. (I sound analytical; to some people this may invoke hidden memories.) Then I wrote some of Unnamed and went to sleep.
Woke up at 12, got up at 12:40; breakfasted at 1:40, then Andrew came over and we played cat. The second time I reached level 7 but didn't beat it! :-) I am getting there, beware! Beginners: the spider is the easiest, then the cheese, then the dogs, then the bird, and then the fish. Anything else? Never been there. Use Alt, it's the special key. Every level you get four more kittens; I've had 20. Ooh, how I want to know more! :-) Then we went shopping and then the club, played HL, then Starcraft and lost (well of course, playing with different species and shared resources!), then more HL. The train level was SO FUN! The killer train was killing everyone, and we killed each other with crowbars. So fun! :-) I laughed much of time. Then went home and ate and played battleship. He constantly missed, and I just "guessed" where to shoot. Now that doesn't just happen, does it? Second game, I lost more ships but one. Third-it wasn't there. It's hard to stay concentrated. :-) Then played more Cat, then I wrote Unnamed and now I am writing this.
I don't know when I first woke up, but then I relocated to my grandparents' bed and slept 'til about 12. Woke up and breakfasted, then got some wonderful instructions on how to dry-clean. :-) I went to the dry-cleaning place and gave them a sleeping bag, due Monday. Then came back and played some cat, then went out to walk. I didn't feel really good, so I just walked around and ventured into stores and got asked, "Do you need anything?" and answered, "No." (Twice that made the person who asked me smile, and so it was worth it. :-)) Walked around and saw a trashcan. Here's another thing: here things are made to be useable. Houses: they are white, but you can see the big rectangular blocks that they are made of. They are not painted or covered so they would not be seen; only the new houses are pretty to look at; the old ones, although they describe the style of Russian architecture during Communism, aren't all that pretty from aesthetic point of view. (Now if anyone tries to accuse me of being one sided, goto that trashcan I saw!) I guess you can call it Communism, still, that rules here, because everything seems shared or even moreso owned by everyone. There, in the US, you expect the government the clean the trash and make thing pretty. Here, few people do clean everything, and more than few leave trash on the ground. Cars are parked on sidewalks; things just look messy. But the look messy because everyone makes them look messy: everyone leaves a share in this "common" and "shared" place called the ground. Things are made to be used and not admired. Bathrooms here are small, but why would you need a big bathroom? All you need is to go and to take a shower, then get out and go somewhere else. There aren't as many luxuries as you would find in the US, no big and fashionable couches or big spacey rooms; but, because they are so small, the things are dear to us. Or maybe me, but my room here is more dear to my heart than my room there. Here is more personality, more of what I am made of. Cold water? I love cold water. :-) (By the way, that trashcan was in the middle of a path, serving no purpose. There is no assigned place for it, it's just there, like everything else. If anyone needs to, anyone will move it to his/her liking. Things aren't made in order to be used, it's, symbolically, more like a big pile of everything, both good and bad, but with that feeling of being related and friendly, than an organized pre-planned storage facility of everything like it is in the US, making it all cold and impersonal.) Then I ran a little and went to Andrew's house; there we played Prehistorik and Toppler and a little Cat. (Olde games.) Came home and ate and went to Baba Katya (it was very sad in the end when we got to leave... Maybe I'll never see her again? But this thought makes it not be sad: souls never die, so she will always live), then came back and went online. I changed all my passwords, and no one knows the new one. (And, again, don't try to guess it. If I make a password something that one has to think about, one can find out, which is no good. So it's, again, letters and numbers.) Used up a lot of internet time! (No one else was on.) Then talked to my mom about life and people etc... Got sleepy in the end, and with a stomachache for which I took activated Carbon, and it helped. (By the way, I know exactly what I ate to cause it. Can't everyone do that, though?) Went to sleep.
Got up at 11 and at 1 me and my mom went to Kremlin. On the way there we got to hear a little Vivaldi from a band playing in the underground passage. (You get out of the subway train and then you go up and then you're still underground 'til you reach the light.) That was energizing and fun! :-) Then we went to the Red Square and walked around (pretty!), then to the Ohotny Ryad or, in English, The Hunting Row (which doesn't make much sense in either language-it's just a name), which is an underground collection of pretty stores. It very much reminds me of UTC, or any mall for that reason, because of the shine and glitter (*wink*) and respect towards expensive items. We went down and got some Chicken! Actually, Chicken with Fries. (Funnily, in here they're pronounces Potatoes Free and not Fry. Hmmm...) Yummy! Then went up and went to a very annoying place. At first, I was walking and looking when I was asked, rudely, "You looking for someone?" I said, with the same expression, "Nope," that, perhaps only in my language, means, "No, and you can't make me embarrassed to leave just because you're paid by your boss to stand there." Then, just as slowly, I strolled back, still looking at everything. Then, after a while, my mom came and told me to go to the third floor, because there was a shoe store. I came there and sat on the bench, like I usually sit in a meditating fashion. I was told, some time later, "You'll make the bench dirty!" So I sat on the stage. (The bench was against a stage, why they have a stage there is still a mystery to me; it's a shoe store!) Then I was sitting there bothering no one when I was told by a stupid lady, "Here, no one sits on the stage." Man, if only my mom weren't there with the stuff I had to carry, then I would say something to her that maybe only I and few other people would deem funny and insulting, but there was my mom, so I was forced to do what told. Then we went back home because we planned to go to a CD place, but my grandpa was a little ill, so I didn't get to do that either. Great! I went out and walked around, ventured into the club and got the most frags against Andrew and the computer, yay! Got the score 5-1 in capture the flag, that cheered me up a little. Went to Andrew's house and lifted the Torsion (which, in Russian, is the thing on what you put on the wheels of a car or truck), got my hands so tired that I could barely lift my self from the arm chair, did 12 pull ups, got my neck to hurt thusly, but it was okay, played battleship and lost two times (how the heck did I aim right around the darned ships?), got home and wrote a letter and got instructions on how to buy an Internet card; watched a stupid movie and some MTV, yay! Here is what I liked: a song No Ordinary Morning, Salvation, and the group Army of Lovers song Crucified (very pretty!). :-) Then went to sleep. Ooh, forgot two things. First, after coming home from Andrew, I went to the tenth floor and walked downwards, feeling protected and safe. Looking out the window is cool! :-) Second, there were MANY deja vus today, many of them. And there was a really small one in subway that was a real deja vu: it was an emotion that I've felt before, just that. The other deja vus are when I look at people or things I feel that I've seen them before, as opposed to felt them before. :-)
Cold water! Well, it's not really cold, only 20* C, which is 68* F, but it's fairly cold to shower! We do have hot water, but cold water is awesome! That feeling of the coldness flowing over you... I have to breathe faster and subconsciously flex some of my neck and back muscles because it's cold, but it is SO refreshing and feels SO good when I get out... (The temperatures here range from 20 to 48* C, or, in Fahrenheit, from 68 to 118.4*.) Breakfast, then wrote some Diary, then went with my grandma to get the film developed, balanced on a chain (which is hard), came home and then, at last, went by myself shopping. Walked and ran along Prospect Vernadskogo into the phone place, where I had to buy and Internet card. (How stupid!) First, you have to fill a blank with your name and address and a signature; then, you wait in a long line and pay the miserable $5. There was a woman with two Korean, I think, people, who (the woman) luckily had a sense of humour to laugh at the whole institution. She saved my spot in line and so I saved about 10-15 minutes. She told me that it's just like Communism times: long line and one cashier. The phone place gets big bucks for all the phone calls made, but they are too stingy to hire another cashier. How dumb! And the blank system, and everything. She was the only fun person there. Then I happily went out and ran a little more; then went to Sasha's apartment. I even remember the apartment number, but he wasn't home. Here, apartments are in clusters... By a cluster I mean a door on the first floor that leads inside the building; and inside there is an elevator to the specific floor. Four apartments per floor. To enter the cluster, now they installed a door with a code: press three buttons at the same time and come in. I, of course, didn't know the code, so I pressed all of them, seeing which ones opened the door, and came it. :-) Into four out of five clusters, I could easily break it; the fifth one was good. But it's pathetic, if you think of it. :-) Then I walked a little more the Builders Street and went into a store and walked right out the other door; went to Lomonosovsky Prospect and went into another store, admiring the computers and the CDs, then I got tired and sat on the bench and rested with my resting technique... (It's hard to explain, but it's like flexing a muscle in the legs, but the process actually relaxes. I also have to breathe faster.) Rode two stops on the Trolley and then walked, looking at all the people, thinking what they would think of me when I ran... Then I just started running, racing a Trolley. Too bad for it that it had to stop, because I beat it miserably. All the people must have thought that I was crazy, but it's okay. :-) Then I stretched and sprinted again, and then the third time. (My friend Andrew saw a person running fast wearing shorts and knew that person was me. He went out to greet me and saw me, but then I was gone. He headed the same way but didn't see me until he got into my apartment.) Then I went to the Dry Cleaners', got the sleeping bag; went back drinking Mineral Water (yum!), then had to go shopping AND had to take my sister with me. That done, at last we got to go into the club and chat. Olya... Let me try to describe her. She's pretty, yea; short, with brown hair; not skinny but not the other way. She likes to laugh at reasons only she understands. Gets scared when poked suddenly. (Once she was telling us about her friend who pokes people right between the ribs and then she tried to show us... Then I showed her without her knowing beforehand; it was funny.) But she laughs at nearly everything, and so, pretty soon, it got boring, so we went home. Andrew's home; we played Agent and Strip Poker (I beat both ladies! :-)), then came home... The sky was so pretty, because there was a roof of clouds some distance away... Came home and read my Email. Then, after watching some TV, stayed up writing.
Cold Showers are amazing! They're wonderful! Today was my last day in here. :'-( I really don't want to leave. I woke up and then showered and went to the store with my grandma, got the pictures and came back, then went for a walk into the club with Andrew. Nothing too exciting, the usual stuff. Came back and ate, then wrote a little; then I waited for my mom to finally equip me to go for a walk with my sister. Now started the fun. I went out with her and went to the place of gathering, and quickly there came people. There was Andrew and Roma, Yulya, his sister, and Polya, a sister of another friend of mine; then came Olya and Angelica and Roma's mom, and Anka. At one point in time, everyone gathered around Lena, which was fun. Then, after swinging her on the swings (by now she had a bear as a present from Yulya, who is 10), we went home with Andrew and we had to wait for half an hour for my parents to come back from OUR apartment (we now are in our grandparents'), only then did we go back outside. By then Anka left and Slavik and Tolya came. Then, after standing up there for a few minutes, me, Roma, and Andrew (nickname "veyok"; in the club, everyone has a nick: Tolik = "SpONSOR"; Slavik = "Cyn", Soup in Russian or, sometimes, "KPblCA" meaning "Rat"; me = "Oleg"--very creative; the team is [co] = "Crazy Onions." Funny! :-)) the three of us went to Masha's Apt. She made me the fenechko, so I HAD to visit her. :-) I must say that Olya is prettier facewise and Masha-otherwise. Makes sense? It should. (The dress she had on I remember from last year.) So then we went down and talked a little, and I got to poke Olya a little, because it was fun, then me and Roma went to his home. Bye, Olya! The last poke was mine! Bye Masha and thank you for the fenechko! *hug* to all of you! In Roma's house we looked at funny pictures (his sister is cute; my mom was there because they invited us), then listened to a bit of music and wrote down a few songs that I want to get. I forgot them; that's why I wrote them down. A cool song is Freestyler. Here, I learned more about music than I did there in a year! The radio is SO much better! I got to see Eminem's bleached hair and face... Well, I like The Real Slim Shady and Freestyler. Most of those were played over and over in the Club. :-) Then ate yummy food and drank tea; I wrote down the names of the songs and went outside. There was Andrew and Slavik and other guys I didn't know... A few words about Slavik: he mixes with all people. He can listen to everyone and add a few funny comments; he's got a sense of humour that sometimes is sick, but it's always funny. He looks innocent; he is there and fun to have there and to listen to and to talk to; but still he looks passive. I can't describe him any better than that. And those guys... They learned that I was from America and that I didn't drink nor smoke. Not too surprized. Actually, one guy was drunk, another was with a girl (who is supposedly 17-18 with a 2-year-old daughter); they were drinking beer. The first guy told us of the boring summer he had (with lots of cursing), and of one thing that he absolutely loves: fishing. He told us many a story about fishing big and little fish, how he was better than the old men, how the fish was hard to catch, how once he saw a man catch a BIG fish and was disappointed... It was all very funny. True, he cursed a lot, but I didn't care. I liked the stories. He described it VERY well because he knows MUCH about fishing and all. (Aah, getting up at 5 must be fun!) It was pretty to listen to; he described the fish and the weather and the birds ("even if they were eagles or even demons with wings..." It was funny, because he didn't know the birds flying over the mirror-like absolutely peaceful lake, but it was pretty, and the hills and the forest, and the PEACE! Aah, I so want to go there and see the "virgin"-untouched-forest!). The glade, I think that's what it's called, may be wrong. I didn't care that he cursed or was drunk, I wanted to keep listening. Not often do I meet people like that. He, I think, is the type of person your parents would tell you to stay away from and you may hang out with. It was great! Then I got to go home, said bye to them and Slavik ("See you next year!" "'Til next year!" We aren't friends, just know each other. It's not a bond but, perhaps, mutual understanding with no attachment. He's cool; they're all cool people, that's why I'm among them: they're my company and I am like them by birth. I am Russian! :-)), said good bye (more serious) to Roma, then said bye ("'Til later today") to Andrew and got home. Registered my grandpa for AIM, explained to him much, then got to use the computer, and now I am packing my stuff. No more writing until 16th, everyone!
I will miss it, o I will, even without knowing it I will. It's a part of me, everything here, the laziness and others being drunk, and the smells and the cold weather, and gathering in one place just to talk, without previously calling on the phone... Everyone's here, just GO! It's so easy and so fun. No formalities, no masks, no shields, just be yourself and talk! It's hard to do that in America, and it's much needed. I'll miss it. But there is always the next year... *handshake* and/or *hug* for all of you, everyone here. I love this place, LOVE it, because it's my home. A part of me rests here forever. (It is my home because of so many things that they cannot possibly be replicated in any other place.)
The last day. One of the funnest days, too. Woke up at 9, took a shower, breakfasted; called Andrew, he came down, carried down bags, shook hands and hugged (guys DO hug), and I left… 'Til next summer. We were driving to the airport; I took off my shoes and put them back on. Then we got there. I was thirsty, and I wanted to buy myself something to drink, but the prices were 30 r! So I went to the lady (later), and she told me they were high because they were sold from the store and that the same Soda nearby is 15! So I bought a 0.33 l can for 12 r. I guess she is not a commission worker, because it was very kind of her to tell me. I laughed at the society once more… Then was the long wait in one line, then another. The first was the baggage check; the second-you give them your luggage. Now it was then that the computers crashed. The lines stopped, and we had to wait. I traveled from line to line and said goodbye to my grandparents. Finally, when they started to do it all manually, I got in the shortest line after a funny individual, and we passed. There was a group of British-looking American girls. Then was the passport control, and we waited in a long line and then passed. Then was the third line, this time to the airplane. Now here was the problem: the computers crashed, and so they didn't make everyone an assigned seat. The nice flight attendant first let the three of us sit in three seats, but then the plane was overcrowded (40 people didn't get to fly, as we were told-I don't understand how that is possible) and so we were squeezed. Right next to me sat Dasha. She's 10, was born in Russia but lived there for quite some time. But that was after a girl in yellow sat right behind me. We exchanged a few smiles. Then, after much hustle (when Ira was seated, the same funny individual was moved. He was irritated), we took off… Talked to Dasha a little. She was practicing her handwriting, her mom probably told her. Then we rode and ate, listened to channel #9 (I finally understood why there are two plugs: so that no one would steal the headphones!), talked to Dasha a little more. We played a board game. Then I took a napkin and Dasha's pen (I took her pens and put stuff on her table, she didn't mind. She looked, honestly, like a 8-year-old model), and wrote, "Hi, how are you?" in Russian to Ira. Then I learned her name is Ira and a lot of other things from her. (Born Oct. 2 1983, I am a month and 23 days older. :-)) She loved songs #2, 4, 7, 8, and 10 on Enigma 3. :-) So that was what the plane ride was: talking to Dasha and writing to Ira. I drew two flowers: one, "Shade's Revenge", I gave to Dasha (a new style of mine: first, I drew shades of leaves; then I draw the border. From the distance it looked good!). Second, which I find prettier, I labeled "Trehtsvetnik", or "Three-coloured Flower". I felt like I was painting, because the three primary shades were like colours. Near the end, though, there appeared a guy of 11, who lived there for 10 years. Big accent, but he was cool and funny. Then, because my knee hurt (as I was passing the group of British-looking American girls, I told one of them, "My knee hurts." She only smiled in return), I stood up and sat in the passage next to Ira. (Dasha was fast asleep.) The guy "taught" (not exactly taught) me a handshake, so we shook hands. This sounds silly, I know; maybe it was, but it was fun, and so I don't care. Ira's got a big soft toy "Chupa Chyps" that looks like a giant packman. It's really cute; for some time I took it from her and didn't give it back. Then the guy put the headphones onto the toy. Then we landed… Didn't sleep at all; listened to MCMXC a.D. during the whole flight. Then we got out and went to passport control, after which we got out bags. Talked more to Ira. Then I gave her my address and she said that she will write. Then she had to leave. Then we got our bags and went through customs declaration (how easy is everything here! And how fast! And all the people are smiling, with their fake smiles…), and then met my dad… Then came up to Ira and met her mom (who said that we look alike; I made a funny face), told her to write, and left. The car was very sleepy, but I got home. It is too humid here! There were two more skylights here, but this house is not home. It smells different. I miss Russia! I inspected home then went to Napster and downloaded Freestyler and The Real Slim Shady (my mom liked it) and others. Everything's Gonna Be Alright and No Ordinary Morning are so pretty! And so is Era - Ameno. That's the music I heard in Russia, by the way. The music there is so cool! It's better. Everything's better. Then I FIXED my calendar (YES!), updated my page, and went to sleep, VERY dizzy.
And right now I feel dreamy. I am lost in space and time, but it's one of the best feelings, because I am surrounded by music, and I know of a better place. A part of the better place is in me. I love Russia: it's home. As unacceptable as it may seem, as weird as the things are, I love them. And I love the people. They may be rude or inconsiderate sometimes, but mostly they are friendly, the real form of friendly, not to uphold their social standing but to enjoy each other. The bonds there are so much closer! Friends are friends, real friends. If you asked me what it is, I'd say love, not the love for a life companion, and of course not the love for self (some people will understand what I mean), but the love for others that I have rarely seen in America. I love Russia, 'cause that's my home. Thank you everyone who gave me that feeling.
Questions? Comments? Mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Don't like this diary? Shouldn't've read it all, then. :-)